Permanent Markers - How Permanent Are They, Really?

It’s the dilemma we all face at one point in our lives: we’re bored and want to write our name onto some sort of object, but don’t have the right tool for the job. 

Pencils work okay, but only on paper, or sometimes on cardstock if you’re physically and mentally strong enough. A pen works on a lot of things, but the ink will often smear simply to test your own morality, and the smudged words that you trustingly wrote down will look back up at you, utterly ruined, begging you to simply erase them from existence. And crayons - well, just forget about it.

Writing on things in the modern era is harder than one often realizes. But luckily for artists and distracted students everywhere, someone was able to solve this inescapable problem. 

The permanent marker, also known as the indelible marker (not to be confused with the inedible marker, which, thanks to careless and stubborn children everywhere, has yet to be invented), was created, coincidentally like many baby boomers, in the 1950s. In 1953, a man named Sidney Rosenthal invented the popular Magic Marker, considered by many to be the first permanent marker. This utensil had a felt-tip that released ink from a tube inside the marker. And thus, the permanent marker was born. The permanent marker became immensely popular for all sorts of things.

Today, permanent markers, although they have extremely high numbers all across the planet, can only be found in human-controlled environments such as chain stores and junk drawers, and therefore would likely be classified as Extinct in the Wild by the IUCN (International Union for Conservation of Nature).

And so, permanent markers have been used for a lot of things over the years, all the way from autographs to signatures. However, there’s one question that isn’t often asked. A question that many people would prefer to remain unanswered. A question that may throw the entire permanent marker fandom into disarray and anarchy: 

Are Permanent Markers Actually Permanent?

Now, don’t be alarmed: I am fully aware that the fact that they are called Permanent Markers heavily insinuates that they are, in fact, permanent. I mean no disrespect to anyone highly passionate about the permanentness of permanent markers. However, the fact remains that this issue remains unresolved. 

If you use a permanent marker to write your name on a piece of paper, for instance, your name will most likely remain on that piece of paper until it disintegrates, decomposes, or is eaten by some sort of hungry animal or person. Because of this, a strong argument can be given that it isn’t the marker that’s not permanent, but rather the object it was used on. Unfortunately, this thought experiment doesn’t actually give a solid answer, just a mistrial in the quest to deduce the true nature of permanent markers.

 Using a permanent marker to doodle on a bathroom wall, write on a neighbor’s car windows, or draw on a friend’s sleeping face certainly feels like creating a mark on the world that’s, well … permanent. And creating a lasting mark on the world seems to be an inherent human desire, from ancient cave-painters to today’s jackhammer-operators. And permanent markers, perhaps, are the way for everyone to do so. 

But there’s a snag. And it might unravel this entire debate.

Permanent Markers have an arch-nemesis. An enemy so dangerous and powerful, that they threaten their very permanence. 

Pressure washing.

Many things that can be drawn upon by permanent markers will also be destroyed by pressure washing, bringing us back to the ‘the-object-the-permanent-marker-drew-on-was-destroyed-first’ argument. However, for several surfaces, the mark of a permanent marker can be erased without permanent damage to the object. If you draw on a sleeping friend’s face with a permanent marker and then spray a jet of water at their face, chances are, so long as the friend remains relatively motionless, the jet of water stays relatively constant, and no outside forces or government agencies interfere with the process, the marks from the permanent marker will eventually come off. 

This is disheartening, to say the least.

But there’s another answer.

Inevitably, in about seven billion years in the future, the sun will expand further than it ever has, engulfing the inner solar system in severe fire and nuclear fusion. It will also engulf the earth, and unless our distant descendants are still alive and decide to bring permanent markers with them on their adventure to find a new planet, everything that’s ever been written with a permanent marker, and everything that ever will be, will be destroyed.

In conclusion, despite their name, permanent markers aren’t actually permanent at all. But don’t worry, nothing else really is either, so it all works out in the end.